Despair is not the End
by 1 white tree
Summary: After being entered into the triwizard tournament and coming out as a lesbian, to Harri Potter it feels like the entire world has abandoned her but when Fleur walks into her life things start looking up. Perhaps she doesn't need to be alone after all. Fem!Harry. Fem!Harry/Fleur
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The water lapped at Harri's feet as she stood on the banks of the black lake. It had been a week since she had been at the bottom of said lake as part of the second task and it was that very task that now haunted her. Her problems had started when her name had come out of the Triwizard cup forcing her to compete in this nightmare of a competition. It was the last thing she could have possibly wanted but that hadn't stopped Ron, someone she thought was her best friend, from believing she had cheated her way into the contest to gain more fame despite her numerous complaints over the years of her already overwhelming fame. She couldn't believe he had been such an idiot and they had not been on speaking terms since.

Hermione had stuck by her side though, not believing for a minute that she wanted to be in this tournament. The bright young witch had helped her through the emotional turmoil that being hated by the whole school had brought on and when she had discovered that she would be facing down dragons for the first task having a shoulder to cry on during the emotional breakdown that followed had been the one thing keeping her together. That emotional support that Hermione had been providing led Harri to realize just how much she cared for the girl, more so then just as a friend. However, when she had acted on these feelings and asked her to the Yule ball Hermione had freaked out. In a display of emotions that had cut her to her core, Hermione had screamed at her with an amount of disgust she had never seen in her before. Apparently, Hermione had grown up in a very conservative family whose opinions on homosexuality had been less than positive.

Even worse Hermione had decided to out her to the whole school at which point she learned of the Wizarding Worlds equally negative opinion on the matter. She shouldn't have been surprised, with its cruel treatment of magical creatures and rampant racism towards muggleborns any other reaction would have seemed out of place but it didn't make it hurt any less. Insults, curses, and hexes all became a constant aspect of her life but by far the worst was the Yule ball itself. McGonagall had still insisted she go to the dance despite all her troubles and finding a date had been impossible with her current ostracism. So, it was with great humiliation that she showed up to the dance alone, McGonagall had almost murdered her on the spot but it was too late for anything to be done about it. She still wasn't allowed to leave the dance though and probably thinking she had was just trying to get out of it McGonagall had instead made her dance by herself in front of the whole school. As if that wasn't bad enough the looks Hermione sent her as she danced with Krum had told her just how pleased she was with the situation. That night she had cried herself to sleep in a classroom not wanting to have to face her classmates again.

She had spent the next month following the same pattern, sneak into the kitchens to avoid having to join the other students in the great hall, hide out in abandoned classrooms between classes while trying to find out the mystery of the golden egg, and find a nice quite space to sleep at night. Finally, the day of the second task had arrived and she had dived down to the bottom of the lake to find whatever it was that she would most miss. It hadn't been what though it had been who, in the city of the mermaids there were four tall poles three of which had a person on them. On the poles were Hermione, some young blonde girl, and the Ravenclaw seeker Cho Chang. Unsure of which of these people she was supposed to care about she stopped for a moment. Krum quickly swam by and took Hermione at which point Harri decided to just wait around and see which of the other hostages got taken. After a few minutes Cedric had swam by and freed Cho so Harri in turn took the blonde girl. She had been a little confused as to how this blonde girl whose name she didn't even know was supposed to be who she would miss most in the world but unsure of what else to do had just gone with figuring she would find the answer soon enough.

And what an answer it had been, when she reached the surface she had learned that the girl had not been here hostage it was Fleur's hostage that she had saved. So she had asked Dumbledore who her hostage was and what had happened to them. Dumbledore had told her that when the goblet of fire chose the person in the world that she cared about the most it had chosen no one. Not being sure what to do about it he had just decided to not give her a hostage and see what happened. Eventually though Harri had put together the reason the goblet hadn't chosen anyone, it was because there was no one she cared about. It made sense really, before Hogwarts the only people important in her life had been the Dursleys and she certainly didn't care about them. Sure there had been people she cared about at Hogwarts but all of them had abandoned her and at this point even if they tried to make amends she didn't think she would except them. They had pushed her too far, caused her too much pain, how could she ever look at their faces without thinking about that. So here she was on the banks of the black lake. Alone.

* * *

There she was. Fleur had been trying to find Harri Potter ever since she had saved her sister during the second task. It had been a week and she had yet to see her around, none of the students that she had asked had been very helpful, most gave her odd looks ranging from confusion to disgust and the rest just stared at her blankly, overcome by her Veela allure. It was just another thing to add to her growing list of problems with the school.

As she walked down the hill the youngest champion seemed to hear her approach and turned to face her, the nervous look on her face was hard to miss.

"I've been looking for you all over," Fleur said. With that the look of nervousness quickly turned to one of dread. The girl just continued to stand there though not even making an attempt to respond, so Fleur tried again.

"In the week since the second task I haven't seen you once, where have you been all this time?"

"umm, places?" Harri mumbled awkwardly

In most cases she would be annoyed at this point but Harri's responses seemed to be coming from a place of social inability more than rudeness, besides considering she had saved her sister she felt she should give her a little slack. So she pushed ahead. She sat down in front of the lake and patted the ground indicating to Harri to sit next to her which she reluctantly agreed to do.

"So what brings you to this dismal lake on such a cold winter day, I would think after the second task you would have gotten plenty of this place" Fleur said hoping this time she would get an answer

"Its said task that made me come out here," Harri replied "Unlike the rest of you I didn't have a hostage and I can't stop thinking about it"

Fleur smiled to herself glad that she had managed to coax the witch out of her shell

"Perhaps it was simply a safety concern, by having three hostages and four champions even if one didn't make it there still wouldn't be any hostages left behind." Fleur replied

"Yeah, maybe" Harri said despondently as she stared at the lake

"But you don't think that is the case, do you? What is it?"

Harri hesitated but after a moment began speaking, "In the past few months I have alienated everyone I have ever cared about, first by somehow getting wrapped up in this stupid tournament and anyone I didn't manage to ostracize with that I certainly did when the entire school discovered I'm a lesbian. Now I spend my days avoiding people hoping I make it through the day without any confrontations. So after thinking long and hard about why the goblet of fire couldn't pick someone that I cared about I realized it is quite simply that there is no one I care about"

That had hardly been the answer that Fleur had been expecting, anyone admitting that they were completely alone in the world, that they had no one they cared for especially to a stranger would have been surprising but the fact that it was Harri Potter, the Girl-Who-Lived, only made it even more so. She had heard the rumors about Harri's sexuality of course, it had been being talked about constantly for the past two months but she had hardly payed much attention to it. Though hearing the girl talk confirm the rumors did explain her unusual behavior at the dance.

Fleur sighed "Your going through a hard time right now Harri and I'll warn you its not going to get easier anytime soon. I remember when I came out as Bi people did not take it well at all. France is better about these things than England is but it still has a long way to go. People were freaked out, most of the girls in my dorm suddenly became very uncomfortable around me. I heard more homophobic slurs than I knew existed but, in the end, I made it through. If you want the advice of someone who's been dealing with this a lot longer than you have, I'm more than happy to help. Besides I owe you one for saving my sister."

Harri just stared at her in stunned silence, finally she nodded at her with the slightest look of hope in her emerald eyes.

Fleur smiled "alright the most important thing is to not isolate yourself, in otherwards don't do the exact thing you're doing"

Harri seemed to get more than a little defensive at that comment "I didn't choose to isolate myself, everyone just decided that it was completely ok to treat me like shit. There was nothing I could do about it, what should I have done sit next to them politely while they tell me about how degenerate I am?"

Fleur rolled her eyes at Harri's childish outburst, she really hoped that there was more to this girl than a raging ball of anger and awkward or this was going to be a rather unpleasant experience. "I am not saying that you should spend time with the people that abuse you I'm saying keep an eye out for those that don't hate you because trust me they do exist. They may not be vocal about it but they exist, all you have to do is start putting yourself out there. For example, if I were to ask you to join me for breakfast tomorrow morning would you except?"

"I… um sure?"

"Excellent, I'll see you in the Great Hall tomorrow." And with that Fleur walked off

* * *

Harri was confused, confused about several things. Fleur Delacour had apparently decided that she was going to drag her out of the hole she had buried her self in and bring her back to the world of people. Or at least she thought that was what that conversation meant, she really wasn't sure. At the very least she would be meeting her for breakfast tomorrow. It would be nice she supposed to just have a normal meal with someone again. It would be awkward that was for sure, she had never been the most sociable person and spending two months in isolation certainly hadn't helped. After all, just spilling out all her problems to someone you had just met was hardly normal right? God, she couldn't believe she had done that. However despite the embarrassment she still found herself looking forward to breakfast tomorrow, it wasn't like anything good would be happening between now and then. After two months of loneliness it seemed like a bit of light was starting to shine through. Only sixteen hours left to go until breakfast.

 **AN:** So this is something I didn't think I'd ever be doing again. After making several attempts over the years at writing and each time I made a little bit of progress looking back and hating it I had given up on the idea but for some reason I talked myself into giving it another go. Its certainly not great but its better than I thought it would turn out and I find myself rather enjoying the process.

The story isn't going to be too long, currently I'm thinking somewhere around 10,000 words and I'm hoping to have it done before the end of Thanksgiving break so if for some reason your actually enjoying this you wont have long to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: contains homophobia (hopefully this is obvious but homophobia is wrong and should never be tolerated, the characters that promote these views do not reflect my own)

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, that series belongs to J.K. Rowling

 **Chapter 2**

As Harri walked down the last of the steps before the great hall she hesitated. Here she was about to do the exact thing she had been avoiding for months and why because someone she knew nothing about had told her she should. But what was the alternative spend the rest of her life alone, even she wasn't that stupid.

And into the great hall she stepped

There were no curses, no one got up to throw her out of the room, she got a few surprised glances but no one did anything. As she looked around the hall she saw Fleur who nodded towards the empty space across from her and Harri made her way over.

"I'm glad to see you came" Fleur said as Harri sat down

"Yeah, I thought about what you said and realized you were right. I can't just hide from the world forever." Harri replied

Fleur smiled at that "Well I'm glad to see that you are not completely hopeless. Now tell me what should I eat for breakfast, even after months here I still can't find anything worth eating."

"The bacon is good, maybe try it with the pumpkin juice, that's been one of my favorite things since entering the wizarding world."

They entered into a brief silence as the two witches enjoyed their meal until Fleur started up again "I don't think you have very good taste in food Miss Potter, it's so fatty and sweet. Though I suppose that sums up just about every English food. You should come to France some time, everything there is elegant and refined."

Harri snorted "Elegant and refined have never exactly been staples of my life"

"Oh, so are you the rugged adventures type?" Fleur said with a grin

"Everyone always assumes that," Harri replied "and I guess I can see where they get the idea. Every year I seem to get wrapped up in some adventure that ends with me facing down something that really should have killed me. But its not that I go looking for trouble, trouble just seems to find me. All I wanted was to find someplace I belonged, to have friends that care about me, maybe even someone to love."

"The public would be disappointed to learn that The Girl Who Lived has such boring ambitions."

"Well its not like I have much of a reputation left at this point."

"True but that is not the point, the point is that while it is a lovely story, life does not work that way. You are a talented witch, that is obvious to me with just the little I have seen of you. To waste such talent living a quiet life would be a crime. It is nice to sit back and let other people take care of everything but in the end, you are the only person that can make sure that what needs to happen does."

At some level Harri knew she was right, the whole reason she had gone down to get the Sorcerer's Stone, to stop the Basilisk, to save Sirius had been that she knew that it was the only way it would get done. But was it really too much to ask for the insanity to end, hadn't she done enough? "There is only so much one can give though Fleur. Why can't someone else do something for a change?"

"You are a fool if you think they don't. Everyone tries to do the best that they can, they don't always succeed but as long as they don't stop trying, they will be a better person, will have accomplished more, than if they had given up. Which is the exact thing you are wanting to do."

Harri would admit, that stung. She had never considered herself one to give up but here was Fleur saying she was doing exactly that. And the worst part was that she couldn't say she was wrong. She had given up, maybe not in the way Fleur was talking about, she still didn't really agree with her that pushing herself to the limit her whole life was the best idea, but in the current moment she had. She had let her fear drive her to spending her days hiding from the rest of the world, had let it drive her out of her own bed. Were those really the actions of someone who had not given up?

"I…thank you Fleur, I think I needed to hear that" Harri said knowing she looked more than a little uncomfortable. Fleur seemed to notice and switched to a much lighter topic of her sister Gabriele.

"She is rather smitten with you, you know. Just the other day she told me she was going to marry you. She even drew a lovely little picture of your wedding and I must say you look rather good in white."

Harri blushed a little at that "I hope your not trying to talk her up to me. Dating a nine-year-old isn't exactly on my list of things I plan to do."

"Certainly not, I hope you know if you that if you ever try anything with her I will rip you into tiny little pieces. Her dreaming is just how little girls are, didn't you have dreams of some lovely lady sweeping you off your feet as a girl."

"Not really, most of my dreams involved running away from my aunt and uncle, girls weren't really something I was too concerned about at the time."

"Ah, how dull a child you must have been. If I had been in your place, I think I would have dreamed of a tall dark woman on a motorcycle driving up to the house and kicking in the door and telling me that she had seen me from afar and thought I was the most beautiful woman in existence and had come to rescue me from my awful life. We would then hop on her motorcycle and drive away constantly running from one adventure to the next."

Harri laughed "So the young rebel is your type huh."

Fleur nodded "Everyone loves a rebel Harri, when I was fourteen I actually tried to run off with some muggle punk boy. We said we were going to America and start a band. By the next night we had both gone home. My parents were furious of course and I wasn't allowed to leave the house the rest of the summer."

Harri smirked "I'm afraid I've got you beat there. When I was thirteen I accidently turned my aunt into a human balloon and she floated away. I ended up running away, catching a ride on the night bus and stayed in a pub until school started. I was convinced I was expelled but then the Minister of Magic himself showed up and told me that all was fine and I wasn't in any trouble. It wasn't until later that I learned that apparently a serial killer was after me at the same time."

With a wicked grin Fleur looked Harri right in the eye "No wonder you wanted to know if I was into young rebels, you better watch out or I may just have to run off with you."

The blush that covered Harri's face would have made Fawkes look pale.

But Fleur just ignored it and kept talking "I suppose I had best get to class soon. A word of advice Harri, enjoy the workload you have now. NEWTs are a bitch."

They finished up their breakfast and both headed their separate ways. As Harri walked towards transfiguration she had a smile on her face.

* * *

The classroom that she had chosen for the night was dim and grey which suited Harri's current mood just fine. All she wanted to do was enjoy the quiet darkness and go to sleep but her mind wouldn't let her. Her mind kept going back to what Fleur had said earlier. She had given up, people had tried to break her and they had succeeded. Look at her! Instead of sleeping in her dorm like a normal person she was hiding in a classroom just to avoid her classmates.

Harri sighed, she knew what she had to do but that didn't make it any easier. She had to go to her dorm, to face the people that hurt her. So why was she still sitting here?

When she woke up the next morning she was still sitting there.

* * *

Breakfast that day was a light affair filled with small talk and laughter. Harri liked talking to Fleur, she smiled easily and often, most of the time at things she herself had said. Harri wanted to talk to Fleur about how she had tried and failed to return to her dorm but every time she had a chance to bring it up, she lost her nerve. By the time they said goodbye she still hadn't managed to mention it.

Through the entirety of Potions Harri was a nervous wreck. She kept looking at all the various Gryffindors trying to figure out what they would do if she tried to go back in the common room. For the most part after she had gone into self-imposed isolation people had been paying less attention to her. Had they just gotten bored or did they feel that they had succeeded so there was no point anymore. With these thoughts consuming her she made an absolute mess of her potion, Snape simply took one look at it and dropped it in the sink.

"This isn't even worth taking the time to grade Potter, if your going to be in my class do try not to waste my time" Snape had said with a sneer.

She wasn't particularly concerned, her Potions grade was hardly an O to begin with so what did it matter if she lost a few more points.

* * *

It was finally time, the thing she had been dreading all day was here. Harri looked up at the fat lady for the first time in two months.

"Wattle Bird"

"I'm sorry dear but that password is old," the Fat Lady said "If you don't have the new one I'm afraid I can't let you in."

What had she been thinking, of course the password would have changed by now and with no contact in Gryffindor there was no way she could learn it. She started walking off thinking that once again she would be giving up when she heard a pair of students walking up the stairs towards the Gryffindor tower. Hurrying around the corner she stopped to listen to what they had to say.

"Can you believe the essay McGonagal assigned. Three pages! That's going to take me all night." The first boy whined

"Pig Feathers" the other boy said once they got to the portrait. The painting opened and the two boys crawled through into the common room. After waiting a moment to make sure they had gone on Harri headed back. This time the Fat Lady let her through though she did raise an eyebrow at her clearly knowing what she had done.

When Harri walked into the common room she was greeted with complete silence. Everyone in the room had stopped whatever they were doing to look up at her. The chaser trio were all glaring daggers at her though Ginny looked happy to see her. Neville just looked uncomfortable. But it was Seamus who broke the silence.

"We thought you left" Seamus said darkly

"I came back" Harri mumbled

"Well aren't we glad you did" he replied sarcastically

"I…I just wanted to come home" Harri stuttered out nervously

"Well this is our home to and we don't want you here" Seamus yelled out "Did you ever think about that you freak"

Freak… She had been called a lot of things since coming to Hogwarts but never that. That was a name only they had ever called her and the idea that the Wizarding World thought of her the same way as the Dursleys. Well, that just hurt a bit too much for her to handle. And then she started crying because of course she did. Why? Why did it have to hurt so much? There was everyone just sitting there seeing how much pain she was in and not caring, how was the world so heartless. Then she ran. Past Seamus up the stairs to the girls dorm until she got to the fourth years dorm. Hopefully now she could have some quiet.

But it was not to be. As soon as she opened the door she saw that Hermione was in there. Quite possibly the last person she wanted to see right now. Hermione had looked up the moment Harri had opened the door and had a look of absolute fury on her face.

"What are you doing in here?!" Hermione shrieked

No not again she couldn't face this again. Could she not go a minute without someone yelling at her?

"Please Hermione don't do this, you were my best friend." Harri pleaded, hoping against hope that Hermione could see past her bigotry and see the friend she had had for the past four years.

"Yeah well maybe you should have thought about that before you started lusting after me!"

"Hermione, I can't choose who I lo…"

Hermione didn't even wait for her to finish before yelling out her response "Its always a choice, everything you do is a choice, were not just mindless animals."

"Oh, well tell me Hermione when was the last time you fell in love with someone due to completely logical well planned decision."

"You don't know what love is Harri, you're fourteen. You have no idea what you're talking about."

"There's no need to talk down to me like that Hermione. Just because your smarter than everyone else doesn't mean were all idiots." Harri sighed and walked over to her bed. Sitting down she paused a moment to enjoy the feel of the soft mattress beneath her before continuing. "What is it about me liking girls is so hard for you to understand. It's the same thing as you liking boys just directed at a different gender."

"Its unnatural!" at this point Hermione was screeching "Every time I think of a girl with another girl, I just feel so disgusting inside. That seems like a pretty clear sign that that is not the way it's supposed to be."

"To you"

"What?" Hermione said utterly confused as to what Harri was trying to say

"A girl being with another girl seems unnatural to you, but when I think about it, it seems right. The idea of being with a boy though, to me it sounds terrible. We each have our own preference and that's all there really is to it, one isn't the universal natural way, there is just what is natural to us."

"But there is a natural way! Normal people like the opposite sex. That's how this works, people like you are deviants. The fact that you are breaking from such a core part life is just unacceptable."

Harri stopped for a moment and looked Hermione in the eyes and made one last attempt to get through to her best friend. She would pour her soul out to her and if that didn't get to her, then maybe she would just have to except that Hermione couldn't be in her life any more. "Look at me Hermione, for four years we have known each other. For four years you have stood by my side when no one else would, when the whole school thought I was the heir of Slytherin you didn't abandon me despite what everyone thought. In third year when Sirius sent me the Firebolt you were willing to go against me to make sure I was safe. Even though I treated you like shit for that you never doubted that you were doing the right thing and to be honest I don't think I ever even thanked you properly for how good of a friend you were for doing that. This year when my name came out of the goblet of fire, when even Ron abandoned me, you didn't. You were the only one that kept me going through that time, I mean look at what happened to me when you left me, I broke. I guess the thing I'm trying to get to with all of this is that you are the person that cares the most about me in this world. In fact other than you I don't think there is a single person that does care about me. I'm not trying to be melodramatic here, think about it, its true. And if I'm being honest, you're the only person I care about. But look at us now, you hate me and I'm scared of you. Is that really the way you want this to end? I get it, you're not into me or even girls for that matter, but that's fine. I've moved on, you have nothing to worry about from me. I promise I won't try anything like that ever again. I…I just want my best friend back."

As Hermione stood there looking down at her once best friend she saw the tears that had been streaming down Harri's face, saw the hope and sorrow in her eyes, and heard the raw emotion in her voice for a moment Hermione's eyes showed love, love for the friend who had saved her from the troll all those years ago and been by her side ever since. But then that moment ended and the wall of hatred came rising back up.

"I could never care about you, you freak." Her voice was as cold as ice

That one sentence hurt more than anything had in her entire life. Harri now knew that it was over. There was no coming back from this. With those words Hermione didn't just want to end their friendship she wanted to hurt Harri as much as she possibly could. When Seamus had called her a freak, he had picked an insult at random but Hermione, she knew exactly what that word meant to Harri. She had wanted to cause as much devastation as she possibly could and she had done just that.

Harri activated the wards around her bed that kept everyone out, closed the curtain, and cast a silencing charm, all without saying a word to Hermione. Then she cried. She cried and cried. Cried until it hurt, till her lungs were heaving, till her eyes stung, till she felt stabbing pains in her chest. But she didn't care. The physical pain felt like nothing compared to what she was feeling inside. She didn't stop for hours and only did when she was so exhausted that she drifted into unconsciousness.

* * *

 **A/N:** That last scene was a bitch to write but it I'm really happy with the way it turned out. Most of it was drawn from my own experiences arguing with homophobes, can't say I ever thought that those experiences would be good for anything. I know I said I was going to have the whole story finished by now but that clearly isn't going to be happening. That was entirely arrogance on my part thinking writing was easier than it actually was. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter out soon. Until next time.


End file.
